A Lifetime of Looking Fat Vs. A Few Classes of Looking “Stupid”

Every workout was different. Physically and mentally. Physically I could feel myself getting stronger by the day. Not so much at the gym, that shit was still hard AF. But getting up off the floor, walking up the stairs, shoot just walking in general, and most of all carrying my children around. Also, after having Halen there was something wrong with my left leg. It was swollen (not a blood clot, I think…) but nobody goes to the doctors nowadays. Anyway that went away once i started becoming active. Now I carry both kids (with the baby in the heavy ass carseat and the three year old sleeping) up steps, mom beast mode. Pretty sure it is about 900 pounds total…

I can’t even begin to explain how good I would feel after a workout. THANK YOU ENDORPHINS. They sure do make you feel fantastic. Serotonin, hell yes pleeeeaaaase. Walking out of there feeling sweaty, accomplished, happy, confident, and clear minded. Speaking of clear minded, the conversations i would have afterwards were that of scholars, haha just kidding. But I did spew amazing profanities  at cars when the road rage would kick in on the drive home. You know, instead of saying things like “o dear, I can not believe that little fella over there just cut me off, he must be in a hurry I will just let him get in front of me there” I said things that normal adults say and I’m sure I don’t need to go in to details you all know what you yell at other drivers. Always super hyped up when I left the gym. Hoping that feeling would last until I got home and I would clean clean clean the house!

There are so many thoughts that run through my mind while working out. Such as worrying about what you look like. I feel like once you come to terms with the fact that you will look like the chubby little fat kid trying to keep up, struggling and taking breaks but you just keep going and going. Soon you will realize that, frankly, no one gives a fuck what you look like but you. Most of the people there are to get their workout on and haven’t glanced at you once. They all had to start somewhere too. Doing one push up, 3 squats and walking instead of running.  Just know that you WILL get stronger and build up your stamina and endurance and feel and look glorious!!!! I’ve never been happier that I made the decision to look stupid and to keep going to the gym/classes.


Suck It Up Buttercup

I’m not trying to get sued or anything for using the real names of the gym and trainers so I will use fake ones. Let’s just call the gym Maximum Effects and the trainer and owner, life saver and motivator, we will call him Vince.

So i start telling people that Chris signed us up for three months of Maximum Effects. Most people had never heard of it and those that had all said the same things “O! wow that place is like some drill sergeant crap” “I always hear the music and have wanted to try it but it looks scary” “You what? I see the people coming out of there looking like death,  red faced and sweaty. I can’t believe you joined” “I tried it once. Not for me. Hard as fuck.Good luck” And my personal favorite  was from Chris when I asked what it was like after his first class and if they make sure you do the workout correctly “They just kind of throw you out to the wolves” Which was not even true, I think he just said that to scare me.

Finally a week later, I walked into Maximum Effects. Scared out of my mind. Not knowing what to expect. Not knowing what type of people I would encounter. Who would be watching. Who would be judging. Am I going to die? I can’t run, my boobs are too big, I’ll fall over or get a black eye. What if I had a wardrobe malfunction and my pants rip? I am so clumsy, I hope I don’t fall and bust my face. What if i throw up like Chris did. Ugh. So many things could go wrong.


I meet Vince. Vince who is slightly intimidating with his gold tooth and tattoos.Vince who has a very serious tone like he might flip out at any minute. I don’t think he smiled. He had me sign some papers and tells me there is one rule “You can do whatever you want, yell at me, curse at me, hit me, I don’t give a fuck. But you HAVE to stay on your fists DO NOT GO ON YOUR FLAT HANDS during the workout”. We have padded gloves that we wear during class and when doing push ups or other workouts we need to be on our fists. I don’t think I can even attempt to describe what the classes are like. It’s a full body workout, cardio, weights, box jumps and whatever the trainer at time feels like torturing us with at the time. I struggled. I struggled pretty darn bad with that first workout. I struggled physically, mentally and emotionally. I didn’t realize how OUT OF SHAPE I had become. I mean, I knew I had a hard time getting up off the floor after playing with my toddler down there or that i had a hard time carrying the baby in the car seat. But it was just a part of life.. It made me sad, it made me hate me for allowing it to get this bad. However, I did survive the first day. Vince paired me with someone who had been going a while and she helped me. Showed me the ropes and kept me from getting lost in the confusion. And I survived. I didn’t quit, and found out later that the girl who had been helping me left her first workout 40 minutes in and didn’t come back for a few weeks. Also, that it is very common for people to puke. But, I was ready to run out to my car because i was going to start crying (apparently that is common too LOL) and I didn’t want anyone to notice. Of course, i did not make it to my car. Vince pulled me aside and wanted to talk. I can’t even remember exactly what we talked about. I just know that he was encouraging me to come back and not to quit and that I need to be there. He was right. I looked around at the people in there and thought about how they weren’t always fit and might have once been fat and unhealthy and that they had to start somewhere. So right then and there I made up my mind that I was coming back no matter what.

Welp, I am off to do 300 lunges.

Peace Out