Little Too Much Summer Fun

As I sit here on the verge of tears and slightly embarrassed, I have to admit it, to myself and anyone reading this. I can not keep (trying) to lie about it because I need the accountability. I done fucked up and I gained weight back. I’m completely flabbergasted as to how this happened. Oops wait, must quit lying. I know exactly how it happened. Tacos and margaritas. Beer. Camping, birthdays and just way too much fun over the summer. Its hard to say exactly how much my I gained. Around 10 pounds. My weight had been fluctuating between 145 and 150 and got as low as 140 and now its between 150 and 158. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH why, why did I do this. I worked so fucking hard last year and I got sexy af now I’ve turned back into a potato. Tis the season, since Halloween is coming up I might as well dress as a PUMPKIN. No no no that’s why I am here to stfu and get this under control before I’m right back where I started.

Uggggghhhhh my trainer is going to be sooooo mad at me!

Working out was never the problem, I will never stop going to the gym. But that doesn’t even matter if you eat and drink like shit.

I am obsessed with challenges so I tend to join the 12 week challenge at my gym. So after posting this I will be recommitting to the group. Recommitting to me. I will also be getting a airtight plan in place. AND NO FREAKING ALCOHOL

I need a goal to work towards. I’m thinking Victoria secret model by the new year???? Ya, ya that sounds great. On a real note I just really need my skinny girl clothes to begin fitting me properly again. They were getting a little snug, making me really nervous. I was looking good af this past summer in my new dresses and shorts and I plan on being even better next year.

Oi. I never thought I would be one that this would happen too. But I’m glad I’m choosing to fix it rather than get all mad at myself and fall completely off and give up.



Juicing, the beginning.

Every culture/religion around the world has some type of fasting and has done so for thousands of years.


Ugh. So I totally did not believe in fasts or juice cleanses or cleanses of any type. Our bodies are designed to “cleanse” themselves. Our bodies also need the fuel, food and calories to work. A fast would just be starving yourself. I BELIEVE IN FOOD DAMN IT! However, I began meeting people who did cleanses and fasts and survived. And loved it.  Whoa. Whoa whoa. Wait a second here….

So it peaked my my interest. Started questioning these people and go ogling shit and found so many positive things about juicing.

(You most research for yourself and for your own opinions!! I’m not doing the hard work for you. Hahahaha)

And actually most of the negative things I found were due to pre existing  conditions, non of which I have. Or interactions with medicine, I’m not prescribed anything. Or kidney problems, not me (yet). Or if you’re prediabetic, also not me.

Another big one was that the juice (being unpasteurized) is vulnerable to harmful bacteria. Just don’t that that ish sir for a week and drink it fresh and it should be all good!

I read a lot of thing about fiber this and protein that, but you know what, I’ve been putting shitty ass shit in my body for almost 30 years I’m pretty sure a few days of fresh juice only won’t do anymore harm than the past!

In closing, I’d have to imagine that there must be something positive that comes from fasting considering people all over the world continue to do it. Whether it will effect my mind body or soul I don’t know but

Fuck it


How Day 1 of the cleanse went coming soon… (which might be forever because I never have time to write these damn blogs because if kids and life… ttyl)19942969_10159012882385357_6002452098155318136_o.jpg

Photo shoot for my 30th birthday. Too lovely not to share ;)~


Fat Girl Problems

  • Unable to see your feet
  • Unable to see your lady junk
  • Chub rub
  • Especially when the Chub rub wears out the inner thighs of your pants
  • Poor balance when putting on pants
  • Sitting down to put in socks
  •  Tying shoes 😂😂😂
  • Leaning awkwardly to one side to wipe 
  • Unable to cross legs to sit like a “lady”
  • The debate of whether or not you can fit between spaces
  • Not being able to fit between spaces and knocking shit over with your massive boobs belly or butt (never had to worry about the butt because I just had a back with a line in it)
  • Roller coasters
  • Seat belts
  • Painting toes nails
  • Sitting at a booth in a restaurant
  • “Ooo when are you due” …bitch I am not pregnant just fat. Geez get your shit together people, don’t ever ask that!!
  • When your boobs steal all the fabric from a shirt and needing to wear an under shirt to hide belly. Stupid layers
  • Hugging amd being able to actually wrap your arms around someone (which I didn’t even realize a difference until my bf and I lost a bunch of weight and hugged each other)
  • Getimg stuck in clothes in a fitting room
  • Shaving legs
  • No lap for my kids to sit on becaise it was being eaten by a belly
  • Tiny seats at a movie theater or other events. Recently discovered the extra room on an airplane seat

Barf, granny panties or ugly ass bras.


What am I missing??

A Lifetime of Looking Fat Vs. A Few Classes of Looking “Stupid”

Every workout was different. Physically and mentally. Physically I could feel myself getting stronger by the day. Not so much at the gym, that shit was still hard AF. But getting up off the floor, walking up the stairs, shoot just walking in general, and most of all carrying my children around. Also, after having Halen there was something wrong with my left leg. It was swollen (not a blood clot, I think…) but nobody goes to the doctors nowadays. Anyway that went away once i started becoming active. Now I carry both kids (with the baby in the heavy ass carseat and the three year old sleeping) up steps, mom beast mode. Pretty sure it is about 900 pounds total…

I can’t even begin to explain how good I would feel after a workout. THANK YOU ENDORPHINS. They sure do make you feel fantastic. Serotonin, hell yes pleeeeaaaase. Walking out of there feeling sweaty, accomplished, happy, confident, and clear minded. Speaking of clear minded, the conversations i would have afterwards were that of scholars, haha just kidding. But I did spew amazing profanities  at cars when the road rage would kick in on the drive home. You know, instead of saying things like “o dear, I can not believe that little fella over there just cut me off, he must be in a hurry I will just let him get in front of me there” I said things that normal adults say and I’m sure I don’t need to go in to details you all know what you yell at other drivers. Always super hyped up when I left the gym. Hoping that feeling would last until I got home and I would clean clean clean the house!

There are so many thoughts that run through my mind while working out. Such as worrying about what you look like. I feel like once you come to terms with the fact that you will look like the chubby little fat kid trying to keep up, struggling and taking breaks but you just keep going and going. Soon you will realize that, frankly, no one gives a fuck what you look like but you. Most of the people there are to get their workout on and haven’t glanced at you once. They all had to start somewhere too. Doing one push up, 3 squats and walking instead of running.  Just know that you WILL get stronger and build up your stamina and endurance and feel and look glorious!!!! I’ve never been happier that I made the decision to look stupid and to keep going to the gym/classes.

Suck It Up Buttercup

I’m not trying to get sued or anything for using the real names of the gym and trainers so I will use fake ones. Let’s just call the gym Maximum Effects and the trainer and owner, life saver and motivator, we will call him Vince.

So i start telling people that Chris signed us up for three months of Maximum Effects. Most people had never heard of it and those that had all said the same things “O! wow that place is like some drill sergeant crap” “I always hear the music and have wanted to try it but it looks scary” “You what? I see the people coming out of there looking like death,  red faced and sweaty. I can’t believe you joined” “I tried it once. Not for me. Hard as fuck.Good luck” And my personal favorite  was from Chris when I asked what it was like after his first class and if they make sure you do the workout correctly “They just kind of throw you out to the wolves” Which was not even true, I think he just said that to scare me.

Finally a week later, I walked into Maximum Effects. Scared out of my mind. Not knowing what to expect. Not knowing what type of people I would encounter. Who would be watching. Who would be judging. Am I going to die? I can’t run, my boobs are too big, I’ll fall over or get a black eye. What if I had a wardrobe malfunction and my pants rip? I am so clumsy, I hope I don’t fall and bust my face. What if i throw up like Chris did. Ugh. So many things could go wrong.


I meet Vince. Vince who is slightly intimidating with his gold tooth and tattoos.Vince who has a very serious tone like he might flip out at any minute. I don’t think he smiled. He had me sign some papers and tells me there is one rule “You can do whatever you want, yell at me, curse at me, hit me, I don’t give a fuck. But you HAVE to stay on your fists DO NOT GO ON YOUR FLAT HANDS during the workout”. We have padded gloves that we wear during class and when doing push ups or other workouts we need to be on our fists. I don’t think I can even attempt to describe what the classes are like. It’s a full body workout, cardio, weights, box jumps and whatever the trainer at time feels like torturing us with at the time. I struggled. I struggled pretty darn bad with that first workout. I struggled physically, mentally and emotionally. I didn’t realize how OUT OF SHAPE I had become. I mean, I knew I had a hard time getting up off the floor after playing with my toddler down there or that i had a hard time carrying the baby in the car seat. But it was just a part of life.. It made me sad, it made me hate me for allowing it to get this bad. However, I did survive the first day. Vince paired me with someone who had been going a while and she helped me. Showed me the ropes and kept me from getting lost in the confusion. And I survived. I didn’t quit, and found out later that the girl who had been helping me left her first workout 40 minutes in and didn’t come back for a few weeks. Also, that it is very common for people to puke. But, I was ready to run out to my car because i was going to start crying (apparently that is common too LOL) and I didn’t want anyone to notice. Of course, i did not make it to my car. Vince pulled me aside and wanted to talk. I can’t even remember exactly what we talked about. I just know that he was encouraging me to come back and not to quit and that I need to be there. He was right. I looked around at the people in there and thought about how they weren’t always fit and might have once been fat and unhealthy and that they had to start somewhere. So right then and there I made up my mind that I was coming back no matter what.

Welp, I am off to do 300 lunges.

Peace Out





Now that I have been working out for six months it might be a little hard to go back to the beginning. But I’m going to do my best to recap!

Same old song and dance… I got fat. My life was full of bad habits, popping out babies and inactivity. Chris and I talked about losing weight and eating healthy for far too long. He joined Planet Fitness (lasted like a month and a waste of money), I bought a treadmill (that was an effing joke and ended up being a free curb alert item to the first person who came along). I had friends ask me to join a gym and be their workout buddy, my response was “No fool, I know I won’t get up to go to the gym, I’m not even trying to waste my money!!!”

After  nine hundred years of being pregnant, 41 weeks and 3 days to be exact, with baby number two I had that super duper hot mom bod going on. Note the sarcasm… After my first daughter, I lost thirty pounds almost instantly thank you breastfeeding! But after the second kiddo I literally lost five pounds. THE BABY WEIGHED EIGHT POUNDS TWO OUNCES how does that even work. So I was just over 200LBS. I lost about five more pounds after returning to work.

The same week that i returned to work Chris calls me and says “Hey, we joined that gym that we keep hearing and talking about. It’s already paid for three months so we have no reason not to go”

July 2016


I’m just going to go ahead and post this flattering photo right here since I have that atrocious one at the top. Where o where have my many chins gone, where o where can they be??? October 201614681640_10157630555390357_2074972251310244128_n